Fort Wellness Counseling

Fort Wellness Counseling White Horizontal Logo

The Fawn Response:
How Trauma Can Lead to People Pleasing

fawn response
By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP

Do you often find yourself putting the needs and concerns of others before your own? This might be something known as the fawn response.

Most people are familiar with the fight, flight, or freeze trauma responses. Generally, they arise whenever someone encounters a situation that feels emotionally or physically dangerous. And while the fawn response is less well-known, it’s incredibly common – especially in complex trauma survivors.

What is Fawn Response?

Fawning is a trauma response that involves adapting oneself to become more appealing to the threat. Basically, it involves constantly abandoning your own needs in order to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval. For this reason, fawning is often associated with people-pleasing, codependency, and conflict avoidance.

Why Do People Develop Fawn Response?

Researchers found a relationship between post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and a person’s ability to handle stress. Additionally, they discovered that trauma impacts personality traits like agreeableness, emotionality, and neuroticism (which are all qualities that influence our relationships).

The fawn response is most commonly associated with childhood trauma and complex trauma — traumas that arise from repeated events — rather than a single traumatic event. And fawning is particularly linked to relational trauma involving a parent, spouse, or caregiver.

Signs to Watch For

Signs of fawning include:

  • Over-apologizing
  • Flying under the radar
  • Stifling your own needs
  • Having trouble saying “no”
  • Struggling with depression
  • Struggling to express yourself
  • Denying your own discomfort
  • Having trouble forming boundaries
  • Experiencing chronic pain or illness
  • Rescuing people from their problems
  • Assuming responsibility for other’s emotions
  • Changing your preferences to align with others
  • Holding back disagreeable opinions or preferences
  • Attempting to control another’s choices to maintain emotional safety

How to Recover from Fawn Response

Rest assured that recovery from a trauma response is possible. Here’s how:

Become Aware of Your Actions

Noticing your fawning patterns is the first step to overcoming them. When you notice symptoms arising, ask yourself:

  • Am I saying/doing this to please someone else? Is it at my expense?
  • Do my actions align with my personal values?
  • Am I being authentic? Or am I doing this for someone else’s benefit?

Whenever you find that you’re falling into a pattern of people-pleasing, take a moment to consider what your authentic words and actions would be.

Practice Self Validation

People with a fawn trauma response have often had their feelings invalidated by previous caregivers or partners. Therefore, validating your own thoughts and experiences can reverse fawning behavior and reprogram your thoughts.

Build Healthy Relationships

When you’re in fawn mode, relationships are often one-sided. To counteract this, focus on building mutually beneficial, healthy relationships. Generally, this requires setting boundaries and/or limiting contact with people who don’t meet your needs.

Value Yourself

If you employ the fawn trauma response, you’ve likely built an identity around being likable. Therefore, it can be incredibly freeing to construct self-worth that’s independent of the approval of others. If you’re not sure where to begin, try…

  • Pursuing your personal goals & dreams
  • Accepting that not everyone will approve of you
  • Doing hobbies that make you happy – regardless of what other people think
  • Making a list of your positive traits (that have nothing to do with other people)

Trauma Therapist Fort Worth, TX

When you’re so used to prioritizing other people, it can feel daunting to suddenly prioritize yourself. So, if you need help overcoming your fawn trauma response, the skilled trauma therapists at Fort Wellness Counseling are here for you.

Trauma is not uncommon. And 70% of American adults have experienced some type of traumatic event at least once in their lives. So, if you or a loved one has experienced a traumatic event, contact our team today.

Learn More About Our Trauma Therapy
how to cope with holiday stress
Therapy

How to Cope with Holiday Stress

How to Cope with Holiday Stress By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP Say No to Prevent Burnout There are an abundance of obligations that

functioning alcoholic
Therapy

What Is a Functioning Alcoholic?

What is a Functioning Alcoholic? By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP When someone is deemed a ‘high-functioning alcoholic,’ they’re able to carry out daily

what is assertive communication?
Therapy

What Is Assertive Communication?

What is Assertive Communication? By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP So, what is assertive communication? Well, in a nutshell, this communication style aims to

EMDR therapy Fort Worth, Texas
Therapy

What is EMDR Therapy?

What is EMDR Therapy? By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP Ever heard of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy? More commonly known as EMDR,

Brainspotting therapy for trauma release
Therapy

What Is Brainspotting Therapy?

What is Brainspotting Therapy? By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP Brainspotting therapy is a kind of alternative therapy that is gaining immense popularity in

a person practicing gratitude and enjoying the benefits of it.
Therapy

12 Benefits of Gratitude

12 Benefits of Gratitude By: Rane Wallace, LPC, LCDC, SAP With Thanksgiving coming to a close, we thought it was fitting to explore the link

a female suffering from seasonal depression.
Therapy

How to Avoid Seasonal Depression

How to Avoid Seasonal Depression By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP Daylight savings has officially come and gone. For most of us, this means

Scrabble pieces that say inhale, exhale and repeat.
Therapy

10 Best Ways to Calm Yourself Down

10 Best Ways to Calm Yourself Down Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP When we’re navigating social media, complex relationships, and performance pressures, it’s easy

A female that is stressed out.
Therapy

The Effect of Stress on Your Body

The Effects of Stress on Your Body By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP Are you feeling stressed out? Overwhelmed? Increasingly anxious? If so, you

A male that is experiencing a panic attack and severe anxiety.
Therapy

How to Stop a Panic Attack

How to Stop a Panic Attack: 9 Strategies By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP If you’ve experienced a panic attack, then you know how

A male that is addicted to porn and looking on his computer.
Therapy

8 Signs You Are Addicted to Porn

8 Signs You Are Addicted to Porn (And How It Ruins Relationships) By: Rane Wallace, MS, LPC, LCDC, SAP As a porn addiction therapist, I